I Got My Crack Pipe

I have this crack pipe. Its completely for shits and giggles. My old roommates were total potheads, and I went with them to a "head shop" in Lakewood called Lazy J's. This was one of the several times I've become obsessed with tobacco pipes (never got around to buying one) and I was looking for a "Hobbit pipe". They're actually called church wardens, but whatever. What I really would have liked to find was a long, wooden opium pipe like I see in anime sometimes. I just think it'd be a funny thing to have.

I didn't find either of those, but I did find a funny little metal crack pipe. It was cheap so I bough it for laughs. I had no idea what I was doing, and I was shaking because I knew the girl behind the counter probably thought I intended to use it. She asked if I wanted a few free screens with it, and I had no idea what she was talking about but I took them anyways. Turns out, its a little circle of brass mesh to go in the bottom of the bowl so you don't inhale flaming pieces of crack. I'm thinking watching someone inhale a flaming piece of crack is probably more fun than actually smoking it.

Every once in a while I like to take my pipe down from my desk and hold it, just because I find weird things funny. I was doing that today when I had a brilliant idea. I've been considering burning incense, and I think my crack pipe would make an awesome incense burner. I'd have to use the little cone kind. I think the effect of walking around with a lit piece of incense in my crack pipe somewhere public, say the Medieval Fair, would be hilarious.


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